The Foreign Language Expert Guy

Luck O' The Foreign Language Expert Guy

Due to unceasing demand by our competitors, we once again, in our continuing efforts to further along your knowledge of foreign phrasology and, well, stuff like that, we once again bring you that bodaciously besotted barker of banterings from the Boer to the Bolshevik, The Foreign Language Expert Guy!

St. Patrick’s Day is fast approaching, Fellow Celtic Campers, and so it’s time to get into the spirit of the season where everybody becomes Irish, except for maybe those snooty French…although I can see their point. I mean corned beef and cabbage as a holiday feast? Sounds more like punishment, but maybe that’s just me. Anyway, it’s a day to remember the legend and legacy of St. Patrick, who rid Ireland of all those nasty snakes and, perhaps coincidentally, made a killing selling mail-order Western boots, belts, and various and sundry other accessories. So grab your shamrocks, lift a mug of green beer, and shout that familiar Irish phrase "Erin Go Bragh!" ("Harness them hooters, Erin, you look like a slut!").

However, before you get carried away with the festivities of drinking, dancing, drinking, eating, drinking, speaking in brogue, drinking, celebrating, drinking, and of course, drinking, only to find yourself waking up in the detox ward with a splitting headache, vomit-encrusted clothing, and slowly emerging memories of events which you would have preferred to remain forever suppressed, including the vague recollection that you became engaged and/or married to the three-hundred pound tattooed biker chick who ran the bottle-toss at the street carnival, take the time to remember of few of these popular and traditional St. Patrick’s Day phrases:

"A Wee Taste"- "Just let me finish this third bottle of Jameson’s before I drive us all home."

"Wearin’ O’ The Green"- See "vomit-encrusted clothing."

"O Danny Boy"- "Boy, Danny was so drunk last night he dropped me three times walking home!"

"Corned Beef and Cabbage"- See "vomit-encrusted clothing."

Memorize and utilize these phrases and you too can be bifocal like The Foreign Language Expert Guy! Just send any questions in care of Bill Klein, and he will throw them in the fire and dance wildly while madly singing vulgar odes to the Pagan gods.

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© 2001 Bill Klein. All Rights Reserved.

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