GFI 60s Guy

Exclusive Interview!

J.C. Fender, The Disillusioned 60’s Guy

Back in the turbulent 60’s, J.C. Fender was at the forefront of the student movement protesting against the war in Vietnam, corruption, pollution, guns, segregation, the military-industrial complex, big oil, and poverty. It seemed that you couldn’t turn on the evening news without seeing him leading a protest march, sit-in, rally or riot. Though not a named member of the infamous Chicago Seven, it is believed that he played a substantial behind-the-scenes role in the riots at the 1968 Democratic Convention.

Although many of his contemporaries eventually settled into more conventional lifestyles, Fender stuck to his principles, refusing to knuckle under to the establishment. Unfortunately for him, his confrontational style fell out of favor as the baby-boom generation aged and mellowed, and his light dimmed and finally disappeared altogether from public view.

When we at BillKleinOnLine.com managed to track him down, we found him living in bucolic squalor in a mostly deserted commune approximately eleven miles outside of Taos, New Mexico. Looking haggard and stoned, Fender agreed to sit for an interview. Our reporter describes the scene thusly:

“The battered adobe early earthship-style structure stank of stale booze and feces. I found Mr. Fender sitting at a homemade table, its untreated wood structure apparently ready to collapse at any moment. Joints of homegrown marijuana, a half-full bottle of Johnny Walker Red, and a grease-spotted four day-old Domino’s pizza box with two slices remaining graced the tabletop. Fender proceeded to take a long swig of whiskey, light up a joint, and sit back in his chair, a signal that he was ready for the interview to begin.”

BKOL: Peace, brother.

Fender: What’s that supposed to mean? You want to start something? I’ll beat the living shit out of you!

BKOL: Whoa, relax! I just thought that an icon of the Sixties such as yourself would appreciate that kind of greeting.

Fender: Look, ass-wipe, don’t talk to me about the Sixties. I was there, man! I burned my draft card and I dropped acid with MC5! I even fucked Janis Joplin! She was drunk and I only got sloppy seconds, but I did it, man! You want to start something? Huh? I’ll beat the living shit out of you!

BKOL: I apologize, Mr. Fender, I certainly didn’t mean to offend you. If I may ask, exactly what did the Sixties mean to you?

Fender: It meant peace and brotherly love, you dipshit. Plus it was a great way to cut classes, avoid the draft, and score a lot of peacenik poontang if you get my drift. You got a problem with that? You want to start something? I’ll beat the living shit out of you, you buttoned-down faggot asshole!

BKOL: Pardon me for saying this, but you don’t exactly sound like the peace-loving pacifist revolutionary you were once famous for being…

Fender: Why the hell should I? All the rest of them so-called “activists” sold out, wrote books, and made a fortune off of their notoriety! Now they all got talk shows, web sites, undocumented alien au pairs and drive fucking SUVs! What happened to the dream, man? What happened to Utopia? I’ll tell you what happened to it, it got traded for a pair of Nike cross-trainers, a goddamn Malibu beach house, and a lifetime subscription to AO-fucking-L! I’m the only one left who still believes in the old ideals. Fucking traitors, I feel like hunting them down and shooting them with my 9mm…maybe I’ll start with you. You want to start something? I’ll beat the living…

BKOL: …Shit out of me, right. You actually own a gun?

Fender: Hell, I got dozens of ‘em! Shotguns, assault rifles, bazookas…I’m armed to the teeth! You got a problem with that? You want to start something? I’ll beat the…

BKOL: I know, I know. Doesn’t that go against your ideals? I thought you believed in gun control.

Fender: I can put two bullets through the same hole in a life-size target from fifty yards. If that isn’t gun control, what is? You trying to start something? I’ll beat…

BKOL: What did you think of this last presidential election? You must have been disappointed by the Bush victory.

Fender: Why? I voted for him.

BKOL: What? You voted for Bush? A Republican?

Fender: Who did you expect me to vote for? Gore? That pussy? Besides, me and Dubya go way back. He used to be one of my best customers, know what I mean, wink-wink, nudge-nudge? I was proud to see him take that oath, get a real man back in the White House, you dig? Or are you trying to start something? I’ll beat the living…

BKOL: You’ve certainly changed since you led those anti-war marches with your old co-conspirator, Steven Zakaris. What made you…

Fender: Zakaris? Motherfucker sells Volvos in Des Moines now. Has two-point-five kids and belongs to the Knights of Columbus. Why bring him up? You trying to start something? I’ll beat the living shit out of you!

BKOL: Sounds like you’ve had it rough.

Fender: Damn straight! Why, if it wasn’t for my trust fund, I’d…

BKOL: Wait a minute! Trust fund? WHAT trust fund?

Fender: The one my dad set up for me when he took his golden parachute from General Motors back in 1974. It was only for a couple of million. Why? You got a problem with that? You trying to start…

BKOL: You mean all this time we thought you were the embodiment of the Sixties, living off the land, adhering to your so-called principles, when you were actually living off of your father’s wealth?

Fender: Christ, you’re naïve. How do you think I accumulated all this firepower? The barter system?

BKOL: Then why do you live in such a run-down dump of a house?

Fender: You mean this? This is the tool shed. The big house is five miles down the road! Contemporary Casa Adobe, central air, indoor and outdoor Olympic size pools, Jacuzzi, home gym, sauna, the works! I got fifteen thousand acres, mineral rights included. What did you think I was doing, eating rice and beans and sleeping on straw mats? Get real!

BKOL: Now I’M getting disillusioned!

Fender: Well, wake up and get a whiff of the latte, Bub. Speaking of which, why don’t we head into town and hit Starbuck’s, my treat. We can take my Lexus. It’s parked out back, and I got the new N’Sync on CD. You’ll love it!

BKOL: Oh my God…

Fender: What? You trying to start something?

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