My Worst Nightmare

 

Disorderly Condit

Then I dreamt that I was a veteran congressman, take a wild guess which one, and I got in trouble because some intern in my employ had disappeared and everyone thought we were romantically involved but I said no she was just a good friend but then they found out that I’d been using her to get mud for my turtle, so to speak, I then said well I meant a REALLY good friend but I guess they didn’t understand and everybody started asking me all kinds of questions and I just figured a little damage control wouldn’t hurt and so I called this flight attendant who had let me tour her cockpit a few times and well, I didn’t really tell her to lie, I just kind of asked her not to tell the truth, there’s a difference there, I think, but she ratted me out and then the cops wanted to search my apartment and I said sure just let me tidy it up a bit because there were dirty plates and cutlery, okay lots of cutlery,  that was laying around and other things of a personal nature  it’s not like the adult diapers and the chicken suit were any of their business and I switched the TV over from the Whip Channel to C-SPAN, I’d meant to do that anyway God’s honest truth, the cleaning lady must have been watching that, remind me to fire her for watching such filth and besides that she has no talent for getting out blood stai- I mean ketchup stains, darn those things are stubborn, the ketchup I mean, like Heinz you know,  so anyway they wanted me to take one of those polygraph lie-detector thingies and I said sure but they still weren’t satisfied because they said they didn’t like the private lie-detector company I used and I said hey,  B & H Clinton Polygraph Services, Inc., has a very good reputation but I guess there is no satisfying some people and I needed to go somewhere and relax and I had just dialed Heidi Fleiss’ cell-phone number to arrange a spanking when the TV woke me up and the “Today Show” was on and Bob Dole was offering to give Katie Couric a demonstration on the benefits of Viagra… 

©2001 Bill Klein. All Rights Reserved.

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