Bush Babes Beer Bash

My Worst Nightmare

Bush Babes Beer Bash

Then I dreamt that I was a Secret Service agent assigned to guard Dubya’s daughters which was a pretty neat assignment because they knew where all the good bars were although I began to have my suspicions when I discovered that they had Robert Downey Jr.’s home number on their cell phone speed-dial but then I figured that between jail and rehab facilities he was probably rarely there anyway and so I forgot all about it and went about my duties which mostly consisted of holding their purses while they tried on clothes at Neiman-Marcus and then to Alston’s to shop-lift, oops, did I say shop-lift, I meant browse, yeah that’s it, anyway it was pretty routine stuff and I got to meet all their friends like Kim Sun at the drive-through liquor store and Road Hog at the tattoo parlor, they all seemed nice enough I guess even though it was kind of hard to believe that they were “classmates”, but who was I to accuse the first daughters of fibbing, especially when I was told by Dubya and Laura that they never lied, read their lips, which I suppose should have set off an alarm of some kind but I was too busy running errands like buying their favorite perfume, “Ecstasy” or something like that which I guess was pretty exclusive stuff because they never had it in stores so they had me get it from some guy named Thug-Z at an old warehouse in South Dallas, must be cheaper to buy it wholesale, so one night we go out to this nightclub but because I was on duty I only had four or five tequila shooters, got to keep your wits about you in a high-pressure job like this, and suddenly the cops arrested Jenna for possession of alcohol and I thought thank God they didn’t find the crack and I was on my way down to the jail to bail her out when I woke up and the “Today” show was on and Amy Carter was showing Katie Couric around her marijuana farm…

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