Allah My Rowdy Friends

Then I dreamt that I was recruited into Osama bin-Laden's wacky group of Merry Militant Muslim Marauders and I had hoped to God, er, Allah that I had packed enough shampoo because from the looks of these guys they wash their hair a lot but anyway I had a good time on the flight to Afghanistan because it seems I was the only person on the plane, go figure, and it was really weird because the in-flight movies were "Ishtar," "Heaven's Gate," and "Josie And The Pussycats," and I thought there was a law against having so many bombs on an airplane but I guess not and so when I got to airport in Kabul and I had to hire two cabs because I had more luggage than one goat could carry and we rode leisurely to bin-Laden's headquarters which was a much bigger cave then I expected but then everybody knows that the brass get all the perks and they put me in a room full of flags and handed me a Zippo, easy enough work I guess, this must be where they start all the new guys and pretty soon I was accepted and began helping out with other tasks to contribute to the war against the Great Satan as they called it although I didn't tell them that I already knew who the Great Satan was and how was burning American flags ever gonna help get rid of Regis Philbin I'll never know, but I kept my mouth shut, get along/go along and when in Rome and all that so I just did my work and ate my couscous, blech, and was a good little soldier and talked about the great ankles on that Tajik stripper that we hired for Osama's birthday and then somebody told an Uzbek joke and I laughed so hard that camel milk came through my nose and I almost dropped an envelope full of anthrax and then Osama asked if any of us would like to take a plane ride to America and I volunteered because I was feeling a little homesick and the next thing I knew I was back at the airport and while I was standing in line at the Starbucks' kiosk I happened to notice that the ticket was only one way and when I woke up it was the year 2036 and Donald Rumsfeld was on CNN saying they expected to find bin-Laden "any day now"...