My Worst Nightmare

Senate Slumber Party

Nice Bunny Slippers, Senator Reid

...Then I dreamt that I was a US Senator trapped inside the Capitol, watching helplessly as truckloads of cots were moved in and Harry Reid said we were going to stay up all night until we voted on a timetable to remove the troops from Iraq and when John McCain came in with a toothbrush and an advance copy of the latest Harry Potter I had a feeling we were in for a long night but that wasn't nearly as bad as the Diane Feinstein lingerie show, I may never get over that, and it was after the third time Barney Frank asked me to play Truth or Dare that I finally was able to locate Ted Kennedy to find out where the booze was stashed, but he was buried under a pile of interns and couldn't be disturbed and I almost broke my neck when I stepped on one of his many unfortunately empty bottles of Jameson's but luckily my fall was broken by Dick Cheney emerging from the trapdoor that leads to his Secret Subterranean Fourth Branch Division headquarters and I landed on him so hard he spilled an entire carton of bamboo shoots and Trent Lott kept telling everyone to shut up because he couldn't hear Fox News and then Barack Obama showed up with Oprah Winfrey and started handing out copies of “the Poisonwood Bible”, and as I made a mad dash for a window to avoid such grisly fate I almost ran over Hillary Clinton playing spin-the-bottle with Joe Biden and Russell Feingold, both of whom were praying they would lose and begging me to join them, but I turned away in horror and did a U-turn and jumped down through Cheney's trapdoor where I was immediately set upon by members of the Aryan Homeland Security who put a gag in my mouth, dragged me into a sub-dungeon where the GOP was hosting a private party and they strapped me to a chair and I was forced to listen to Sean Hannity and Ann Coulter doing a karaoke duet of “Summer Nights” from “Grease” until I finally screamed myself awake to the sight and sound of Andy Rooney talking about how many different types of socks he has and I began beating myself on the head with a shoe in order to get back to the lesser of two evils...

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